my heart is empty but my fondness is true

damnkitty @ 2005-09-16T09:38:00

2005-09-16T16:43:23Z

kuta loves missy elliott! also my suspcions were right!

http://www.blamonet.com/vb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=74305&perpage=35&pagenumber=3

look at my last post!

kuta and john were working together to steal my elliott smith (i dont know why she wants my elliott smith stuff since she love missy elliott) vinyl! :nervous: she all alone at my house right now! shite! must do bag checks before she leaves!

damnkitty @ 2005-09-12T11:46:00

2005-09-12T18:46:49Z

i hate secret boards. its sad not to know how much fun others are having :\

damnkitty @ 2005-09-09T20:41:00

2005-09-10T04:00:32Z

Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts.

1- my emotional food is fritos and lemon juice. i eat it like cereal
2 - i always daydream about winning the lottery even though i never play
3 - right now if i could move, i would move to ny
4 - i have a crush on 2 girls at work. im between them in ages.
5 - i stay home more than i want to
6 - i average a girlfriend every 10 years
7 - i like to bump it in my car (music wise)
8 - i always acted i could play piano, guitar and sing as i grew up but never really actually learned any of them. i wish i could.
9 - i caught my dad cheating on my mom and told on him which led to them divorcing
10 - i dont keep in touch with people because they are usually busy when i call. i just wait for them to call me
11 - sadly i think about death way too much
12 - if i could ever be on a tv show, it would be saturday night live
13 - even though i loved seeing elliott smith, my favorite concert ever was stevie ray vaughan
14 - i was actually skinny at some points of my life
15 - the important thing to me is to find someone to love
16- i got a degree in communications but i dont talk much
17 - van halen's 1984 was the first record i ever bought
18 - im an official scrabble master
19 - i wanted to own the dukes of hazzard general lee when i was a kid but now i want me a corvette like the one in corvette summer
20 - im a jealous guy (starts whistling like the song)

i tag anyone who wants to do this. it took forever :\

damnkitty @ 2005-08-24T19:21:00

2005-08-25T02:38:22Z

Tagged 2xs by [info]drumloops & [info]makingsilence

List five songs that you are currently 'digging'. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good. But they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your five songs. Then tag five others to see what they're listening to.

1. no life - elliott smith
2. gabrielle - ween
3. broke a chill - io perry
4. girl - beck
5. come on! feel the illinoise, part 1 - sufjan stevens

and i'm tagging these kids, cause that's how the game is played:
1 [info]ooglemonster
2 [info]coneyisland
3 [info]melliebelle
4 [info]dirtytomato
5 [info]adrinantbf

no life

2005-08-23T04:55:59Z

no life
no life
everything you need to keep it together
to keep you off the street
no life
once i used to see
a beautiful stranger
walking next to me
sometimes its a long time coming
no life
no life
still a part alive
for offering nothing
you get it in return
no life
pushed away the hand
for they might’ve found you
found some other man

damnkitty @ 2005-05-31T14:12:00

2005-05-31T21:14:30Z

must vent (but still happy for people): how come everyone gets more sweet addy action than me? i should be the hugh hefner of sweet addy. i created the site! :mad:

this concludes this rant. thank you.

damnkitty @ 2005-05-16T22:00:00

2005-05-17T05:04:54Z

i dont mean to be ungrateful but buying a house sucks! but i have my first walk through on june 3rd :\ the whole funding part of it really blows. these loan people are shady. so its not as exciting as it probably should be. pfft.

damnkitty @ 2005-05-15T22:00:00

2005-05-16T05:17:58Z

wow it was a wierd weekend with working on sweet adeline again. so much stuff to catch up on. i spent a lot of hours on it except it doesnt seem like it if you look at the site. mostly it was emails anyway. it was a good feeling to do stuff again. its so wierd that it hadnt been updated for like 3 months.

but i was freaking out staying at home. the weekend was so nice and then it seems like everyone else does something you know? i spent most of the day inside on saturday. my friend and i rented blade 3 and pigged out on pizza and ding dongs :\ blade 3....stinks. so i came home and hung out alone.

today i talked to my dad. he got a little emo on me. apologized for being hard on me when i was a kid. he wasnt bad at all really. i got in trouble for the right reasons. he wasnt around though either so you know. but he is a good guy for the most part and i love him. he sent me some pumas and star wars related stuff from germany! should be rad. he wants me to go next year so i might. speaking of traveling i bought a book about places to go in california. i really want to get away from this town as much as i can so hopefully it will be doable to check out some of these places in the book. i hate that im stuck here and have no one to really enjoy it with. the only friend i have is someone with opposites tastes that i have and so its hard to do stuff. like i like concerts. he likes shooting guns. yeah i dont know how we are friends.

anyway when i freaked and wanted to get out, i decided to go to this flea market, called the red barn. i hadnt been there in years. of course its the worst flea market now. like every other stand is the same stand it seemed like. it had a lot of things with mexican themes. there were hardly any used stuff which usually makes it fun. the best thing they had was a toy store inside the barn with vintage toys. so there is alot of mexican people there. its very shady actually. they serve beer and they are kinda hanging out watching people. i felt like i could not make eye contact with these people or there was going to be trouble. i just did not feel comfortable like there was a lot of gangsters. it makes me love the santa cruz flea market now. i want to go to the san jose one though i hear there might be a gang thing going on there too.

anyway the weekend was another waste except if related to sweet adeline. oh the first 1/2 of will ferrell's snl show was really funny. shockingly after weekend update it was ehh. anyway it was fun to laugh out loud again when it comes to snl. the last time i did was when jimmy fallon came back so it was only 2 times this year :\ anyway almost 3 more days til i see sith! :O

damnkitty @ 2005-05-12T08:02:00

2005-05-12T15:14:39Z

HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY SAID: YES!!!!!

i can't believe it honestly. i can't tell you how that makes me feel that they feel that way about the site and i can keep sweet adeline around. yay! it's silly to say but it's my part time job now and it will really help me in my life.

thank you so much jacobus. i'm sure what you said really it over the top and how meaningful it is to people. even my mom said that hehe. so i appreciate the time you took and what you said. i can't thank you guys enough for all the support. i'm glad i didn't bet you alex :P

damnkitty @ 2005-05-11T21:35:00

2005-05-12T04:39:01Z

eek. the emails are being forwarded to the family. so nervous now. but elliott's estate manager was really nice and said nice things so maybe it will turn out good. but i just feel bad that the family have to read the actually emails now. why i dont know. i thought the question would be filter through the management or something. takes deep breaths

damnkitty @ 2005-05-09T21:07:00

2005-05-10T04:17:52Z

so today at 9pm i sent the letter to the estate's manager. so quiet here in my house. i have mix emotions about it. im a bit nervous but at the same time releaved i can put the question(s) behind me. so i wrote the letter and i had jacobus check it out. he was nice enough to write something up too because honestly im just too nice for my own good. if i couldnt get posters out of them then how could i do this then? he was able to bring more out about what it means to him to have sweet adeline around and me too better than i could sell myself why i might be nice to have around. his letter was so much more meaningful and thoughtful than mine! i think i better buy him lunch next time! anyway i just left it at that with both our messages. we'll see what happens i guess. anyway thanks to a lot of you for being supportive. i means a lot
xo

damnkitty @ 2005-05-06T20:35:00

2005-05-07T04:04:47Z

thank goodness this week is over. it was lamest eva. my birthday sucked except for the nice words from sweet addy and doldrums. my mom was the nicest and i got red lobster out of it. work was so freaking annoying and the house pressure is really getting to me. it was getting to be too much stress for me. its not worth going into really because i want to put it behind me so i wont except i did just shut myself completely off last night just to bring myself down a bit. but today wasnt the easiest either too. i snapped at my mom because she was bugging me about house stuff and i spent 1/2 the day looking for stupid keys to help others out when i should of just let them look for it. very dark week for me. angry and evil i was. i feel used and unlucky. just wish happy stuff would just come to me. if it does usually i have to pay for it for some reason making it not so nice or special. i even got an email from crazy x. i havent answered it. she wished me a happy birthday. im not sure what to do because ill be the ass if i dont say thanks at least in my mind.

so i started on my letter to the estate's manager to see if they would be willing to help me out. i guess this is going to be it sadly. sweet adeline is going to be decided on financial decisions which disgusts me. the thing i tried so hard to avoid the most. its part of the problem this week. i dont get paid like i deserve for the job i do, there arent any job opportunities for me at work to earn more, i have to find a second job to help with my payments of the house that will take me away from things, im going to maybe lose the greatest thing ive ever done and my dream, lose the only real friends i have even though i dont live near a lot of them. i dont care for what ive wrote so far. im not good at asking for things. jacobus said he would read it to see what he thinks. i felt so emo when i started writing like i wanted to cry but after days of writing a little here and there i dont feel so emo about because the way i felt this week. anyway its not a good letter at all. i wish there was an easy way to write it because i know a lot of people are trying to get $ off the family and elliott's name. i feel like i come off as one of them. kinda feel ashamed but i guess its time to ask or never know and implode. so i guess ill start typing what i wrote on the computer now. at least im going to ikea tomorrow.

damnkitty @ 2005-05-01T19:22:00

2005-05-02T02:45:11Z

eek. i got nothing done this weekend like i said and hoped. now im drinking pabst and it doesnt taste as good as portland pabst :( i think would be a total alcholoic if i ived in portland because the beer is cheap and yummy there. the company makes the pabst even better. i was hoping the pabst would cheer me up but it isnt. today started with doing tech support with my dad with his computer. the crazy thing is that his computer is in german :O ugh like i want to work on my time off :P he got me some rad addias though that he is sending this week! my mom took me out today. she took me to see fever pitch. i liked it even though jimmy fallon's character was a little too perfect when baseball season was not happening. i was sad how they mention like the big 30 (im going to be 32) is when the chances becomes really small when it comes to dating like something is wrong with the person if they havent found anyone by a certain time. i guess something is wrong with me but i kinda knew that too :*( yeah its a movie but you know! i feel the same about work too :\ i love it at the beginning of the movie they showed revenge of the site trailer and my mom basically said how she thinks its going to be an awesome movie. after the movie my mom took me shopping for some shirts for work. i got 3 of them. being at the mall really makes me feel that i dont belong in this area. bunch of homies. its wierd taking your mom into hot topic too when you are in your 30s. we tried to get some house ideas too. then we went to dinner and talked work. yeah i was bad too. i downloaded the new sleater-kinney cd. sadly i dont like it so much. aww. ill try to give it some more listens. anyway to repeat salinas pbr is not as good as portland pbr :crys:

also i would like to mention i have the greatest calender eva. alexandra gave me an elliott calender once and it has the best pics in it. i just turned to may and its such a cool picture of elliott. it made me smile thinking how it was a nice gift.

best week eva

2005-04-30T05:24:59Z

- on monday i was lazy
- on tuesday i went 3 for 5 (thanks to errors) 3 rbi, 2 runs scored...i think..in softball.
- on wednesday i went to boring computer class where i pitched in for pizza with 2 other students in a fast time at ridgemont high style. the teacher was cool about it.
- on thursday we had a general meeting where we got a little lecture. people got promotions. i didnt get one. i got food instead. i still love everyone there
- on friday celebrated a birthday at work where i got a good & thoughtful gift (more of that later). then i was being good making a salad but of course i had to pay by stabbing myself in the palm. im not sure how much i hurt myself. i was such a wuss. and then i went to see kung fu hustle. at first i was worried i picked the wrong movie but in the end it worked out and i like it kinda like i think episodes 1 to 3 will be for star wars. also i bought celine dion tix for las vegas....guess who is going :\

so ive been heavy thinking about sweet adeline. for 1 thing people are mentioning how i dont update anymore or just generally giving me a hard time like its my job. i kinda starting to think maybe it needs to be so i can get in trouble for a reason and help me with my life issues. im so close to writing something up to give to elliott's estate manager. i know i should but i get nervous. i feel its so wrong. i might take a shot of writing something this weekend.

so yeah i had a crush on this girl from work. she is cute but she is really really nice, likes star wars, likes the a's, likes amusement parks. i totally thought she was single. so this week was her birthday so i made a plan. she likes the a's right? so i thought ill (& my mom because she works with us too and was willing to pay 1/2 without knowing my plan) get her 2 seats gift certificates to see the a's because it was a thoughtful gift and maybe she would invite me too? (shadY) so i buy them. the next day we were talking about something and she said boyfriend. i was shocked because we are also going to see a star wars midnight showing and there was no mention of someone else going. so i asked why she didnt invite her boyfriend to the movie to see if i was hearing things. she confirmed it was true and said he didnt know what star wars was because he was from a different country so thats why he wasnt going to be there (or mentioned). came to find out i know him. he used to work for us too. he is actually a nice guy. both are lucky. just a bummer. she is young too. just feel stupid. at least the gift was nice. i think she really liked it anyway.

so no plans really for the weekend. i have to help my mom's boyfriend move some more. i was going to see gonew with the wind at the theatre in monterey but ehh. i think ill sulk instead

damnkitty @ 2005-04-26T21:39:00

2005-04-27T05:46:34Z

eek i have so many emails to write and here i am talking about myself :P biggest news? i went to portland this past weekend! portland was so great as usual. ugh its so hard to go there and not have a nice time no matter what. its hard to go there and come back! ally's birthday party and things related to it were a blast. the first bit of happiness was hanging out with ally and kristy at the airport. they were so paparazzi when i got off the plane, i was worried that people might reconize because....im hella famous. we hung out and waited for daphne and justin. eek i was not nervous until we were actually at the gate waiting for them. then i did. but it turned out awesome. both of them are amazing. it just seemed unreal. justin is super nice and i was actually shocked how open (really open :P) and loving daphne is. she almost invited a whole mariachi band who was staying in our hotel to our room. :O i got worried hehe. anyway eventually tyler came around and we ended up making fun of tv shows. renee came too! she was really awesome to met too :) jerry springer rules even though i didnt understand most of what was being said.

anyway the next day alex and my arch enemy, alexis aka 2pac came to front. we went to lunch at a really awesome place called the kennedy school. this business fixes up old schools to be hotels, restuarants, bars, theatres and other fun stuff. it was really cool to see it! i also had a yummy burger with chedder cheese, bacon and :O egg. it was so yummy. we then went to downtown portland where ally scored a morrissey shirt from me and i got a velevet underground shirt from 2nd avenue records. best music shirts eva. we also went to powell books and i got nothing shockingly. i tried but all the books i wanted were new aka expensive. went by this rocking toy store but they were a bit pricey so i didnt buy anything there either but i was in love with the toys they had. we went to jackpot too. i was hoping to score a lp of mic city sons. no luck :( so we went back to go to dinner at montage. that is where i met up with my other arch rival, james! james, tyler and i make a good three amigos. can you feelllll the lovvvee toniggght? they make me laugh and smile. actually everyone usually does in portland. dinner was good. we met boy alex and he was nice. too bad he couldnt stick around. so then we went to ally's party. that was cool. we got to see a few bands play including a cover of angeles for ally. it was really sweet. i was worried at first that carmel wasnt coming but she did. we got to talk for a while! yay carmel! they greatest moment for me at the party was right when carmel was leaving. we ran into the drunkest ally eva! it was so hilarious. i loved every minute of it. she showed me her coin purse like a million times and i was the first to put $ in it for good luck! it was so sad that night had to end.

the next day was equally awesome except i think i broke someone's heart but at the same time maybe mended. i know i broke my own heart. ill tell u soon what happened. so kara and jason came to pick us up. yay kara and i met someone new in jason. i had seen his pics at doldrums but i wasnt sure who he was but i just had this good feeling that he is funny and nice. he is! when it comes to portland, its like there is no way im going to meet some meanies. anyway we all got there. anyway it was kinda wierd at first because we were pretty tired and everyone was cooking. didnt stop me for going for hugs! lisa, jason and i went to the store. here is the sad/good part. my friend andrew is part of sweet addy but im not sure how things were for him between people. i love that guy so much. it wasnt really up to me to invite him to anything so i made the mistake of not asking about him or calling him even though i did think of him of course. so we go to the store. out of the thousands of stores in portland can you believe as we are walking in, andrew is walking out. my heart sank so low because i felt like i dissed him so bad. i didnt know what to do so i went for the hug. i felt so bad. thankfully lisa invited him to come over and he did! he was very sweet enough to come. it was amazing to see how many people came to hang out. natalie, anne, lisa, katie, sean, melinda, ben, jason, kara and drew. thank u for taking the time. they took us to the japanese gardens which was serene and beautiful except for my big mouth and my gunshot noises. we did a 3 year in a row tradition too! gelato! i cant believe how much we got done in a few days. it was so brillant and fun.

to sum up i had a wondeful time in portland. i think i do love it there. i love the people i know there especially. thanks to all of you for making this a short but amazing weekend. i hope my presence was a good thing too. i was going to write some sad bs but forget it. ill write it in a couple days i cant tell you how it cheered me up to hang out with my friends.

dang it alexis, you influence the emoness in me! forgive if i left anything out. it was all good

damnkitty @ 2005-04-17T21:16:00

2005-04-18T04:38:34Z

- i love my mom
- they aren't interested in filling the possible position i wanted because of $ issues. wow i have $ issues too.
- went to piano concert. he played standard piano music so it was eh. i dislike that song rhapsody in blue
- the eagles are coming to salinas. because my mom asked i downloaded a cd for her and then deleted all the evidence off my computer. i hate the eagles and only would do that for my mom.
- that girl never emailed me back. must hate picture
- went window shopping in santa cruz and didnt like what i saw in the reflection....me. didnt look today when i was in monterey
- less than a week away for portland. for some reason i havent thought much about my nervousness about flying. i know ill be happy to see friends again!
- jenn sent me a book called food swings. i know its the center of my problems concerning food and weight. i appreciate it because there is so much more in having that book because she cared to send it and the people who read the actual book
- loan people dont ever call you back...only when they want something out of you
- plans have started for a las vegas trip with family, except ill be the only single person out of 4 couples. i dont want to go out of loneliness and vegas has gotten boring to me and ive been there enough. sadly i cant get out of it, it seems
- monterey's state theatre (called golden state theatre now) is having some awesome old movies and shows except its like $12 to see them and im moving further away. im still going to go anyway. oh yeah did i mention they are building a theatre 3 blocks from where i live? now im moving too.
- softball season starts on tuesday. my teammates think i suck playing wise but i think they like me otherwise.
- i want a lightsaber. my friend bought one and im jealous. im so into star wars again.
- my dad asked me what i wanted for my bday. i asked for some black addidas...run dmc style
- threw out my newer home phone for an older big honking one. hopefully it last longer than a few months like my new one did.
- i beat star trek elite force 2 in a few weeks. it was a fun game anyway.'
- i love arrested development. i felt like the season finale was the last one forever. i hope not!

:\

damnkitty @ 2005-04-13T20:52:00

2005-04-14T04:28:14Z

eek. today was the first time ive seen anyone cuss in class really loud basically to the teacher and storm out. we were working on how to build a computer and we were using old parts so some of the parts were either broken or ok. so we are trying to build it but everyone was kinda putting their 2 cents in as it went along to the point it was ridiclous because things werent working or forgetting something. so this guy said there were to many chiefs and not enough indians. so this other guy takes it upon himself to really push himself to help us fix the problem and thats when this guy says 'this is so fucking ridiclous!" blah blah about the teacher and about the people who have spoke up to figure things out, grabs his books. leaves and comments how there is too many fucking chiefs again and basically saying shit about how our teacher isnt taking control. he just walks out. there was no comment from the teacher or anything. so wierd. ugh that class does stink people wise. the students are rude to the teacher and to each other. im happy to keep to myself even though i was hoping to meet some new people. i didnt realize computer nerds were so tough to handle!

this week has been nerve racking. im trying to still figure out how im going to pay for this house. i going for the 30 year fix rate and i honestly dont know where im going to come up with another $500 to maybe be somewhat comfortable. my mom and i had a talk last night about me moving to do service greeter for the car dealer i work for. im just so nervous because i hate customers, i hate wearing a tie (i dont know how to tie one in the first place) and i just feel like it wont be me. the positive is that ill make more $ and work with some good people. i just feel like im too nice. people will take advantage of that too and i hate it. i just have to find a place not to mind or care but its hard. i take things personally because i think im being good and doing right. anyway its hard to complain. my mom came from the lowest opportuniies to be one of the most loved and successful people around here. she told me about all her sacrifices and how she had to get through insecurites to be successful. i dont know where in my body where i can have the same gall. i dont know why im not stronger. i know im good and smart. i just dont know why i cant find a way to use it. but ill probably try this new job. its so against everything i would think i want to do but maybe thats the path im suppose to take because all the things i was hoping for never come true.

i cant believe portland is next week! :O im excited to see friends and meet some new ones. it will be nice to get away again and especially be there with good & loving people. one of the nice things that help me last night though was talking to jenn. we both were down but we found a way to get out the bad stuff and talk about things going on outside of the things that were making us sad. i always feel like the calls wont last long but we always talk for a long time. it feels good just to talk because im usually reserved and dont have much to say but with her its so easy. it was like that before elliott died too. i find her to be a really interesting and loving person. im thankful for her friendship and encouragement.

damnkitty @ 2005-04-01T22:47:00

2005-04-02T07:04:58Z

sin city was a super cool movie. i liked it alot. great humor and action. the dialouge was great. the look of the film was so great too. so far, the best movie of 2005. i really like the kevin character played by elijah wood and the scenes he had. sick guy but just super cool how he looked and all the action that was done with that character. anyway i hope the dvd is really good when it comes out. im for sure getting it. the arrow through the guy's stomach. scene of the year. great laugh and played so good. i wonder who that was acting. it.

im going to portland this month! 3rd time in a row :O ally is having a going away party and she invited me. thanks to alexandra though. she really helped me out. i wouldnt be going if it wasnt for her. i had to spend more $ to get to pdx around the same time as daphne and justin. the other times were kinda way too early or late for me to get pickup. i think those times would make me feel let out or a bother since i really didnt have anyone to pick me up and since ally is picking up justin and daph, i could just hitch a ride. its cool we are getting rooms in the same hotel...i think. anyway i hope i have fun on this trip. i was cranky at the last meetup and its made me feel bad and wierd about it all. got to let it go. anyway im going on the 22nd and leaving on the 24th.

so yeah this weekend. im helping my mom's boyfriend move, doing some work and maybe practicing some softball. im looking forward to softball. i just want to get out without spending too much. thats really it. girl update: email second picture, no return email since. ill probably email her sunday to say hi and see if she wants to still hang out. ill understand if she doesnt.

damnkitty @ 2005-03-28T19:04:00

2005-03-29T03:12:48Z

so this girl whom ive been kinda talking to on email (more me than her) was wondering if i wanted to hang out sometime like go bowling. im kinda all nervous now because she really cute and healthy and i kinda feel the opposite. she wants me to send a recent picture too and looking at the ones i thought were kinda nice dont look so good anymore. i just feel really embarrassed about myself. im eating unhealthy and really feel slob like. not in a position to meeting a girl at least and her being at all impressed. im not good with first impressions either. but i guess ill bite the bullet and send a couple of recent pictures. sigh. i wish things were different. i wish i could control myself. i think i better go back to weight watchers. why cant i change for the good? blah

blow through the coals

2005-03-27T06:27:17Z

:\ hi
i should be researching for a website i was suppose to be done a long time ago but im not :P things have been so busy the last few weeks. the whole house thing. nyc. sf meet up. work. its been so crazy i got me one of those palms to keep me organized :O so far it hasn't worked for that website but i started putting info of people i know. i dont know too many people based on my inputs. it was suppose to wake my up this morning for my haircut but it didnt work. it went into sunday for some reason.

so the house is going. its been kinda stressful really. i think ive been trying to get everything done on my side but the other side is a bunch of slackers. i have to followup on calls (they are not good at following up with calls) and appointments are either canceled or they show late without telling me. anyway i finally got to pick options. i spend another $10,000 for pergo floors, upgraded padding for my carpets and change of color (bamboo), belt drive garage door, microwave attached to tha cabniet and im sure im missing something. the rest is standard. all the counter tops are white too. anyway it should look nice. i have no idea how im going to afford this. i really dont know what to really expect and from what people say i just dont know how its going to happen. ive been considering another job (trying avoid roommates even though that might happen too). i dont know how im going to do it considering i feel so tired and unhealthy to have energy to do it. what would i do too? ill have something but ill never get to enjoy it. oh well, at least ill make $ i guess down the road. when i refinance maybe it will give me a break too.

ny was awesome. im sorry jana! i wish i was able to contact you but we didnt really know what we were really doing! :( the hotel was in manhattan right near times square. the first night we hung out there, the next day we did the bus tour. it was so cold but i got some nice pics. later we went to a knicks game. geez they need to rebuild madison square garden. the leg room was small! so much to talk about but we went to the empire state building, took the staten island ferry, visited the wtc site, wall street, rockfeller center (saw the snl set..awesome), soho. went to the met, saw a tiny bit of central park, and hung out in trump towers (thanks mom). the best part of couse was being to hang with family and friends. i got to meet some amazing people and hang out with some amazing people i knew before. i finally got to meet danny drumloops and dan ipris! as usual totally cool. ive have yet to met any evil sweet addyers hehe. of course i got to visit with kristy, kevin and special guest alexandra who flew out there too! :O anyway it was awesome to spend time with them. i wish i got to spend more time but i was with family. i would like to go next time alone and explore other places someday. i hope i get another chance.

the following week i got to go to san francisco to meet that woody and nicolas along with alexandra, alexis, ashley, rachel and ashely's friend katie! sadly i was just in the worst mood the saturday i went up. the person i was suppose to met for picking out the options for the house totally flaked. i was soooo mad because i drove out there and waited an hour while trying to get ahold of her and other stuff, so it really screwed me over. so i didnt feel so good even though i tried to get it out of me before i got there. anyway it was really awesome to meet everyone and see everyone again. i love them so much. nice and funny. because of my mood i really felt i didnt belong hanging with them like i didnt fit in. it really bummed me out. i felt so uninteresting and unfunny. i also felt like i was talking nonsense. i just felt bad. it was all me and i didnt understand why. even though i had a bad night after everyone went to sleep, the next day was a lot better. i think getting out of the hotel was good for me. it was nice too because i got to hang out with philippe more too. i dont know i felt the lamest with him for some reason. maybe felt self concious because he was so good looking and great :) anyway he was so loveable. im so happy he made the stop in sf so i could met him and spend time with him. i hope to see everyone again because its like a drug when it comes to meeting sweet addyers and the fix is always too far away.

so today i just got a haircut. i watched the clone wars dvd. it was cool. i like watching it all at once instead of 3 min shorts. i also watched star trek first contact with commentry. but i mainly took a long nap. i need to get used to doing nothing because i have no $. actually i should be training myself the other way so i can earn $. i also started to pack, i put some cds in a box for the eventual move. tomorrow i have to help my mom's boyfriend with fixing his house for his eventual move too since he selling his.
xo anyway

damnkitty @ 2005-02-23T20:58:00

2005-02-24T05:49:50Z

before i write, thanks to everyone who commented about sweet adeline in my last post. of course i was very thankful for the kind words and the honest words. hopefully whatever happens in the end will be good but thank u.

so i guess im sticking around this area longer because im getting a house! i was lucky because i was able to get in the first phase of the development and got a good deal for this area. the housing im getting got featured in today's paper too. its kinda condo like because they are so close together with the other places. so yeah i dont know how to feel really. ive been pretty calm about it even though its starting to hit me how much everything is going to cost. i just talked to my mom and we figure that its going to cost close to $2000.00 a month. thats like my whole paycheck after taxes. so im probably be doing nothing for a long time. i might get a roommate (which i really dont want unless im getting married to her) or another job (which i might never be at home to enjoy it). anyway i just need to get the loan and im pretty much done. they are hoping to let me move in may so we will see. im already getting so many people suggestions to everything related to it (financing, adding another room, decorating). some of them are really crazy but with good thoughts in mind. i dont even know what to do style wise. im going to drag my mom to check the models out. maybe i can get some ideas to copy because there were some nice colors being used. i brought out the ikea catalog and looked into ideas...except where did i think i had $ to buy anything :P so i think the highlights is that im going to have a dishwasher and washer and dryer in 1 place. hella awesome! i think thats what im really more excited about ;)

other than that im really excited that nyc is close to a week away! i cant believe it! thats going to be so rad. be with family, see some old friends and meet some new/old friends from sweet addy! i know im going to love it. this month ive been really blessed (besides being sad about sa). thank u god! ive been needing it for a long time.

so yeah nothing else is new. i got beat up on my computer test and i got the new jeff hanson. its ok. kinda like the first one. it has some cool moments in there though :)

edit: wow i got a nice honor today too. pete krebs asked me to pick 2 songs and a write up for his new greatest hits cd. i dont know if it will make it but it was shocking honor anyway. hopefully it wont be too dumb what i write

damnkitty @ 2005-02-12T21:25:00

2005-02-13T06:15:17Z

rest of the week so far:

-got into a big fight with x where we are not talking and being mean to each other. we are fighting over stupid shite too. enough to hang up on her. i wish we could be friends but its not going to happen. she said something childish to me, made me laugh how typical and stupid it was. i poured out her alcohol she left one night after she asked for it back a few days later. thats what she gets. so yeah i would like to avoid her at all costs now but i know she is going to bug me later on :\

- i got my 8 track. havent done a thing with it yet except starting to read the manual. i have lots of excuses why i havent. one being not being sure where to set it up with the mics and sound. i was going to put it in the kitchen but my fridge makes a lot of noise. so my room is the next possible area. i hate when i get hyped about something and then it falls apart. its not done yet though.

- ive been thinking of asking what sweet adeline means to elliott's estate. i just feel like im in limbo sometimes with it. thinking about it, no one has interest in me being a part of anything official (the only mentions of the site were on 1 postcard and 2 sites, :( u would think more since the official site) it seems except maybe adding a link to a store they might create down the road (they are thinking about it). actually i shouldnt say that because elliott's dad was awesome enough to get involved with a couple of messages while they were working on the record, but its been pretty much silence since then. i will say i did email last month about meeting the estate's manager and got a thank you for my work. i dont know what i want from it honestly. probably more selfish wants than anything. but i just feel some sort of distance and that i have to prove myself again (i swear it might be 3 or 4 times that ive had to over the years). i guess i have to (even though you would think elliott's approval might of helped) but im kinda worn down too so i dont know what to do. so yeah it just leads me to feel like i should quit and i feel horrible for thinking that for elliott, his loved ones, me and all of elliott's fans who love the site. but so many emails and so much responsibilties in and outside of it is showing. im kinda embarrassed and disappointed in a way but i just feel like i cant catch up anymore and have a sense of no motivation to do so. makes me feel like im letting elliott down too. i try to get a few people involved but that hasnt helped either because im not sure how to. the funny thing is with all these thoughts, i still blurted out to alexandra last night that we should redesign the site. i do love the site so much and the people who visit. i wish i could be there for it more. so what do i do? i dont know. i guess i can ask what their position is on it since no one has really said anything. im not sure how i would approach it either since im not sure what i want to hear. shite.

- i went to frys. first i got lost, then i went to the wrong frys, they didnt have anything i wanted, so i just bought an atomic clock :\ what a waste to drive so far! i guess my atomic clock is cool. (looks at it again)

- watch more elliott dvds. none of them are good quality at all. all of them have some kind of issue with them!

damnkitty @ 2005-02-07T21:37:00

2005-02-08T05:47:19Z

:O im on the second release for the houses in soledad. the first release would of been cheaper but a least it still might be cheap for this area (which isnt cheap at all) so i might hear from someone next week about getting a house :O it would be great to have a brand new place with a washer and dryer, dish washer and all the easy things in life (except having to drive 30 minutes to work and back). im very scared about affording it but its worth a try you know? might spend $ on something i might eventually own. i might have to get a roommate too. i dont want to though but its going to be hard to do it alone so i might be forced to.

i got a tiny migrane. i had starbucks and maybe this news and other stuff ive been killing myself over maybe came out. geez its been a while since i got one. it took everything out of me. i better relax :P

damnkitty @ 2005-02-05T19:16:00

2005-02-06T03:41:06Z

so far 2 days of heartbreaks

day 1: i finally decide i need to go out to do something new. so i remember there is a open mic thingy in pacific grove ive been wanting to check out forever. p.g. is like 30 or more minutes from salinas so its kinda a trek. so im so excited that im going to go out and watch some music/other stuff. so i drive all the way there and i roll into town and the juice place they have at is pitch black :O out of all the times i decided to go it is shut down. i couldnt believe it. so i went to the bank so i could sink my sorrow and go see a long engagement since i drove all the way down and its not playing in salinas. start time for the movie? past the start time. grr. so end of the story is that i went to monterey to go to the bank.

but when i came back i did go to hollywood video and rent 'some kind of monster' the metallica documentry (which was better than i expected) and i rented curb your enthusiasum season 2. oh my goodness that has been so funny to me. i love it. im going to have to buy it now :\ so the day was salvaged

day 2: i got to hang out with one of my many girlfriends whom i have secret crushes on. it was so awesome to hang out with her again. its been a long time. i love hanging out with her but we have our silent moments too and totally makes me feel so boring. most of it was elliott talk too which is sad to me that we cant talk more about other stuff. anyway the great part is that she happy and doing great. she hung out for a while too. the heartbreak is that she took off and she has someone who fulfills her and makes her happy. jealous of her and her boyfriend but happy for her too...i guess! sigh. i dont know why im so clingy to people now. i guess its the people ive been hanging out with lately (most people from out of town). they are so amazing. i just want to be around them or find someone like them. its such a tease. i want to be more happy with myself instead through others but so so so so hard for me. im trying my best right. thats why im talking it out. better go watch more curb to feel better.

tomorrow: i get to visit rachel. she is super cool and another great friend you wish was around to hang out with (spooky, her cat too)more. day 3 of heartbreaks coming to a theater near you.

damnkitty @ 2005-01-31T21:16:00

2005-02-01T05:19:56Z

ekkk. i bought a 8 track and shure sm58 mic. oh lord. scared. i dont know if i should be doing this $ wise but i am getting $ for taxes and hopefully for my paintball gun. it will work out! (i hope) talking it out. talking it out. eek